I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
