His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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