Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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