i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
