College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
