Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
