I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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