My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
