he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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