Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
