you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
