Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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