she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As shirtless as possible
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
