I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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