i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
