Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
