I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
