I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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