Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
