I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
