I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
