can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
