i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
