Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
