im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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