Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
