Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
