Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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