whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
