Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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