I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
