hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
