Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
