Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
