I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
