Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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