I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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