I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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