2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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