i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
