Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You need Xanax blowdarts
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
