I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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