I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
