I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
