Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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