I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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