im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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