I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
