i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
sex in a hospital.. check
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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