well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
