I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
