I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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