I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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