Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
